Child of the sand
by emalieth
Summary: After the war against Aizen, a frail arrancar was brought back from Hueco Mundo by the child captain. What kind of life awaits one that is plagued with the appearance of the enemy? Rated M for future chapters.


[Disclaimer]: I do not own Bleach.

It's my first fanfict, also my first fiction in english. I did my best, but you are all welcome to help me with grammar, spelling, OOCness and other!

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><p>Toshiro: The Trial<p>

I have never been the one to go against the rules, but sometimes I feel the flow of all those repressed desires and emotions washing over me and taking all reason away with it. I don't know what kind of special link I felt with this frail hollow-like being, but when I saw her terrified after the devastation of Hueco Mundo, I felt the urge to get her out of her misery.

I might be the smallest captain of all the Gotei 13, but, even to me, she seemed young. Maybe it was because she was so thin. Maybe it could also be her inability to wield her small sword, her bad posture or all the openings she left me that made her look like a child defending herself. I could have killed her then, clean, easy, without pain or realization of her own death.

But I didn't.

How could I have been so self-centred that I failed to see the obvious.

It were my emotions again. My stupid childish emotions.

I was well aware it was against the rules but I did it anyway. When she fainted, I brought her with me and hid her in my room in the barracks of the tenth division. Yes, she was a young arrancar, but she looked so pure and naive. I remember when she first awoke. She did not even look for her sword, she just hid under the desk. "I am Hitsugaya Toshiro. What is your name?" She would never answer this question. I soon realized she couldn't speak. She had no conception of time or society. She was only a wounded animal.

I gave her a name, Shirasunako, the child of the white sand, and taught her to speak and behave. She was an easy child, docile and happy, but she was also an incredibly fast learner. After three months she could express herself, probably because of Matsumoto, from whom I couldn't hide the child, and who would speak with her all day to avoid work. She took my heart out of the frozen winter brought by the aftermath of Aizen's defeat. Those were for me the happiest times of the last century…

Until finally they found out about it.

The trial for us was short. She wasn't given the right to speak for herself and all my answers were cut short after a yes or a no to a question that would prove only that I had known the law and that I knew I broke it.

After two days, we went back to the first captain's barracks. I was asked to stand up. Shirasunako arrived a little latter. She was calm, serene. She wore white like the first day I met her. I used to dress her in so many colourful kimonos that seeing her in white that day reminded me cruelly of the fact she was first and foremost an arrancar.

The head captain made his entrance by the large door and walked to his seat. He spoke:

"You should have known Hitsugaya taichô that this would end badly. I think you did not intend to do wrong, you thought she was harmless and it is understandable that after so much blood shed, you might have found guilt in killing this vulnerable thing and felt the need to do some good, but remember that the fact that she was able to become an arrancar is already the proof of too many crimes no matter if she can remember them or not. However, we all believe that this pain will pass with time and we lost so many valuable men, that a simple punishment should be enough to remind you that we are at war and more than ever vulnerable and that we can't afford to play nice with our enemies."

He raised his voice:

"For those reasons, it has been decided that the arrancar called Shirasunako will be sentenced to death and that she will be assisted by Hitsugaya Toshirô of the tenth division."

I looked at the head captain, pleading silently, but I was pulled back by an officer. Shirasunako rose to let shinigamis place a mat on the floor, then she calmly sat back in seiza position, without offering any resistance. In front of her was placed a small table and a fan. She took the table and placed it behind her so she would not fall back after her death. She tucked the sleeves of her kimono under her and looked at me.

We hadn't been able to speak much during the process, but the conversations we had were deep, as if I was allowed to know her for the first and the last time. She said she knew it all along… she knew that this time would come. Even when she couldn't speak, she knew… and accepted it. It was a thing that, even after they took her away, even after the trial, I couldn't do. It was only a couple of months, but she brought such happiness to our lives, that I couldn't imagine a life without the child anymore.

If she suffered, her face didn't show the trace of it. Either she was as she said really accepting the situation or she was a truly dangerous liar.

I was pushed down on my knees, facing her side. As she smiled to me lightly, I knew there was no turning back. She would give her life for me as I risked my status for her. I had no choice, I had to do it. I got up and straightened my hakama under the suspicious eyes of the officers. I placed my haori carefully over my shoulders. Then, I knelt and slowly sat on my heels, replacing my hakama at my sides.

"Thank you for everything" she said and turned her head back to the front. It was the last thing I heard. The sound of the crowd faded. I could see their lips moving, but I was else were, in a world of silence. I could see her white profile. She gained so much maturity in those few months. It was not the child I first met, but not quite a woman either. I couldn't help imagining what she would have become if she would have spent a few more years here...

My thoughts were carrying me too far. I knew it.

In those last moments, I had to stay strong for her. I bit my tongue and let another kind of pain run through my soul. My body finally awoke from the state of shock I was in. I turned slowly on my knees, careful not to disturb her, and rose, unsheathing my zanpakuto. I lifted the sword over my right shoulder and waited for her to take the fan, the symbolic way to tell she was ready. My conflicting emotions were a persistent background noise inside my head. I knew the despair I would face when all of this would be over. I knew the regrets, I knew the anger and yet, I couldn't change the situation. Even if I hid her, they would find her and my pleas wouldn't change a thing.

She closed her eyes and delicately bent her neck. I watched, trembling, as she touched the fan with her immaculate white hand.

This was a murder and I was forced to take part of it.

But I couldn't inflict more pain to her by letting her wait. I stepped forward, rose the sword over my head and let the sharpened object drop on her neck. As it went down, I head a distant shout. It was a voice I knew, but couldn't recall where I heard it before. That shout? What did it say? It didn't matter.

My body tensed and my hands flipped to the side to stop the thrust. The wide side of the blade hit smoothly Shirasunako's neck with a small thud.

She was safe.

That day, I did not cut her head, but the link between us was severed.


End file.
